But never have I been a blue calm sea. I have always been a storm.
Have sex. Have dirty, raunchy sex. Have sex in the bed, on the counter, in the car, in the bathroom. Have it everywhere. Have passionate love making sex. Fuck. Go slow. Gaze into their eyes. Learn every curve and bump on their body. Learn what makes them quiver. Learn what makes them cum the hardest. Feel their body and fall back in love with them. Just have sex.
He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.
I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologise because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. If I love you at 5AM, I’d damn well rather that you know I felt it. If I love you two hours later, I’ll tell you then too. Listen, I won’t wait double the time it takes for you to text me back because I don’t want to. I don’t care enough to be patient with you. I’m happy, you made me feel that way, don’t you want to know? So that’s how it’s going to be. I’m going to leave myself as open as a church door. And I’m going to wake you up before the crack of dawn to tell you that I’m fucking joyful, no pretending, not from me, not ever. Would you like some coffee, would you please kiss me? Here, these are my hands, this is my mouth, it is all yours.
Am I that easy to forget?
You are not free until you have no need to impress anybody.